2015 was challenging for me. I went through a bad breakup, lost a job, and in the span of ten weeks, moved twice (no easy feat in NYC). With the help of a wonderful therapist, I was able to let go of the resentment, anger, and hurt I felt regarding these circumstances. It was not easy and, honestly, continues to be an ongoing process for me, this letting go.
I've also delved into the idea of what my therapist has dubbed "the path," where I should be based on society's norms. At 34, I should have a husband, house, 2 kids, maybe a dog, but I have none of these things. I have internally questioned whether I want these things and I do want some of them, maybe all of them, but I am also not sure. This type of evaluation has led me to let go of preconceived notions about my life and I've started making decisions based on what I really want. This is not easy since a lot of the time, I feel unsure and prone to second guessing my decisions. But some of this process has been fun like practicing different art mediums other than photography, exploring new career ideas, and picking up old routines like swimming. I've also developed better friendship skills, learning to open up more. Finally, I've learned to be kinder to myself. All of this has involved big doses of self-acceptance.
I don't think my struggles are unique to me, in fact, I know they are not. It seems like many in my age group, mid-30s, are in the muck trying to figure out life. It is a comfort to me that I am not alone in the muck. Big life questions plague my mind- what do I want to do for work that feels meaningful, how do I survive in New York City, will I ever meet the right type of man, can I achieve life goals? It is reassuring to have conversations with friends who are also asking themselves the same type of questions.
I've wanted to start a new blog for a while now. When I thought about themes, I decided to focus on self-acceptance. Little things like meditating for a few minutes, going for a swim, hanging out with good friends have helped me to relax about life, to not dwell so much in the big life questions. Hopefully those questions will be answered with time. I'm okay right where I am, and I accept that and myself.