I'm Living My Fear and Didn't Even Know It
This weekend I had a session with my therapist. I was telling her that I have a big fear that I won't ever find someone to marry, that I'll end up alone. Romantic relationships have not been the easiest for me, but I do want to eventually get married to someone amazing.
After the therapy session, I went to a coffee shop to write. It was in jotting down my thoughts, that I discovered the irony of my fear. I am living it right now! I am single, alone, and, honestly, loving it. It made me laugh to think that this fear that I have, that I feel is way out there in the future, is actually happening to me right now, and I didn't even realize it. And because I am living this fear right now, I can see that it is not as bad as I thought. These last few weeks I have discovered new sights in NYC (Conservatory Garden, the Ukrainian Museum, the Lowline, Big Gay Ice Cream, the Folk Art Museum), started a new work gig, and socialized with various friends.
Fear can be sly. Sometimes, like in my case, our fears are completely blown out of proportion. What I realized was that my big fear is currently my best reality!
Photo by Josh Felise