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Welcome to my blog!  I document my life, in all it's messy imperfections.

Is This Me??

Is This Me??

I am part of a Facebook group focusing on personal development for women. Over the weekend, we all met in person for the first time. I heard more than once, "You don't look like your profile picture." One woman went so far as to whip out her phone, pull up my Facebook, and do a real time assessment. "Hmmmm..." she said. "Yea, it doesn't look like you." 

Hearing these comments, my mind immediately nose-dived into the land of self -doubt. It took all my will power to not ask, "Do I look better in real life?" But I haven't been doing all this self-help/therapy for nothing. I told the voice in my head to be quiet. I did though, change my Facebook profile the next day that I felt more accurately reflected what I think I currently look like. 

I could see what the women meant though. I didn't look better or worse, just different. It made me wonder if, on a personal journey of self discovery, if my appearance has subtly changed. Recently, I have felt more vampy in my looks and inner feelings. I see that coming through in more recent photos of myself. I have been experimenting more with make-up and fashion as well. 

I wonder too, if somehow my personal journey has shifted my aura. Perhaps this change is manifested in my physical appearance. It makes me sad because I do love embodying the sunny, California girl, but that's also one side of me. And growing up in foggy San Francisco, I didn't necessarily feel that way- the sunny Californian. I only really felt that when I moved to NYC and my cheerful personality stood out more. Admittedly, it's any easy persona to hide behind. It's pretty non-offensive.

Back to my Facebook profile photos. I still can't quite put my finger on how I have physically changed, but it's there somehow. I embrace both as representing me at those particular moments in time. That's all I can do while the next ieration of me reveals itself. I have a feeling that constant, subtle change, is part of the lifetime journey of knowing oneself.

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June 2017 (cover photo is June 2016)

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